I grew up with a distinct fear of being fat. Very few of my relatives were thin, and it was worrisome. A seed of discontent sprung up within me, uninvited but sly. When in 5th grade, I started choosing clothes that made me look “thinner”, and by 9th grade I started cutting back on portions and watching my food choices. As a high school cross-country and track runner, being on display in my uniform made me uncomfortable. I didn’t look like the typical rail-thin runner – I was 5’7″, 135 lbs. Normal, but not super thin.
It was frustrating to me that I loved sweets and craved them (in hindsight, it was definitely related to my year-round distance running). Avoiding over-eating was on my mind often. I distinctly remember reading that one could burn 300 calories by jumping rope for 20 minutes, so I bought a jump rope and used that technique to burn off any extra “sins” in the evening hours. There was really nothing abnormal about my behavior, in anyone’s view – including mine. My weight remained stable, and I was determined to keep it there.
I was recruited to run track and cross-country in college, and chose to attend Ohio University with a major in dietetics. Thankfully, my coach was a man who didn’t overly criticize his female runners for their weight, although it was clear that I was bigger than your typical collegiate track star. The biggest challenges I faced were wearing “bun-huggers” for uniform bottoms, and posting my daily weights on a chart on the training room wall. I was able to get through it, but my insecurities were heightened.
After college, it was difficult because my running regimen was no longer prescribed by a coach. I had to come up with a routine for eating and exercise that would keep my weight comfortably low. My thoughts were painfully consumed by what to eat, when to eat, when and how far to run, how to avoid overeating, and how to look thin (after all, I was a dietitian).
I continued with this pattern all through my young adulthood. It was hard to relax, and I didn’t have a good self-image. When I quit my job to raise my kids, I spent more time studying the Bible, and engaged in lively discussions with other Christian women. As time went by, I grew in my understanding of God’s character, and saw my priorities in a new light. It was unsettling that I was so focused on my body and my eating. I knew there had to be a better way, but couldn’t find it.
When I was around 35, I injured my knee when running. I couldn’t walk without pain, and definitely couldn’t run. I couldn’t even ride an exercise bike or an elliptical machine. This was a crisis! How would I be able to keep my weight in check without exercise? I would definitely gain at least 2-3 lbs each week if I didn’t change my eating.
As I considered my problem and prayed through it, I came to understand that my body was designed to be able to respond to hunger and fullness, and I could eat differently. A new peace came over me, and I noticed that I wasn’t nearly as hungry as I was before. Sweets weren’t quite as important to me, and I was able to stop eating when I was satisfied. Other things in life became just as enjoyable as food, and I really didn’t think about food very much. I had never been happier!about:blankREPORT THIS AD
Once I was able to exercise again, it was more balanced. I could be flexible with myself, and take a day off (or more) when I needed to. When I exercised, I ate more calories, because my hunger instructed me.
When I began to contemplate going back to work as a dietitian, I did some online searches regarding new developments in the field. One day, I came across a book titled “Intuitive Eating,” and it stirred my interest. Much to my surprise, other dietitians had been teaching the same thing I had experienced in my own life, and were successful in helping many others find peace with food. Soon after that, I found that much had been researched and published on this topic, and I couldn’t get enough! It was clear that this would also become the focus of my new professional life, so I became a certified Intuitive Eating counselor.
The rest is history. I have been guiding clients toward good health that includes peace with food in my private practice since 2012, and the rewards are many!