Psalm 46: 1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
I am in a quiet time in life right now – a few weeks out of Achilles tendon repair surgery, and unable to drive, walk, or do most anything! This is significant because I have consistently (consciously and unconsciously) used strategies of DOING to feel worthy in my life. Now I feel naked – I don’t have the usual strategies available! No taking walks to exercise the dog and have lovely chats with friends, no cooking delicious dinners or keeping my house tidy, no driving places to visit people or offer help, no home-improvement projects or yardwork, AND I’m not even doing a lot of professional reading (my brain doesn’t have a long attention span). This has left me vulnerable for negative self-talk and just being negative!
It has also left me in a place of heightened awareness of the parts of me that need attention. Parts that need the healing touch of Jesus to feel TRUE safety, not just calmed by activities that feel worthy.
As I study Psalm 46:1, it touches me deeply.
God is ever present with me and I can reach for Him all the time – especially when I feel unsafe, need strength, or feel like I have trouble in my life. He is there. Actually there.
The problem lies in parts of me that don’t reach for Him or aren’t able to receive the safety He offers. These issues have developed through years of learning hypervigilance in my body through strategies to keep me feeling safe. Before I knew Jesus I learned that I would feel safer if I completed tasks or acted in ways that I (and others) might value. My own self-reliance blocked me from letting myself rely on God for safety, strength, and help. Normally I would feel shame for using these strategies, but I’m learning to notice the braced physiology of my body and let God in. As I notice the symptoms of vigilance – tension in shoulders, chest, or elsewhere, I can purposefully relax them and breathe. I can seek insight into what the tension is about and bring whatever comes to mind to the Lord and ask for comfort and wisdom. As I breathe, I visualize and sense the Spirit being with the tense parts of me. I speak God’s words to these tense parts – “God is my refuge and strength – you don’t have to be ready to fight or run right now. Look, I’m here on my couch, seeking God and He is here!” Then, I can let my body rest in the presence of God and experience His help, His strength, and total sufficiency. Now, I’m ready for Him to lead me and I don’t have to use any strategies to make me feel safe. I am here with God. I am enough and have enough with Him. I will follow Him and let Him use me authentically, and trust Him with the results.
What a Refuge! Ever-present in trouble. Even when trouble seems always present.
If you use strategies of controlling food or body size/shape, God is your refuge too! I encourage you to notice the tension in your body and pray for God to speak His love and comfort to the parts of you that feel the need to control these things. In time, you may notice that you can fully rest in God’s grace. I’m praying for you, too.
Thank you Jesus for your presence. I ask that you will soften the parts of me that resist your comfort so that all of me can rest in You. You are my refuge and strength. I am so grateful.
So much truth here! And deep insight! This last year I have been learning so many of these same things, and you articulated them so beautifully. Visualizing and envisioning my “resting” with the Lord and his tangible touch has so deepened my intimacy with Him these last months. Thank you so much for sharing this Ruth! Praying for you as you recover.
I’m glad it was helpful Allison! Thanks for the prayers!